'The best way to keep a prisoner from escaping is to make sure he never knows he's in prison!'

On Emotional Freedom | Judith Orloff

The highly successful book from Daniel Goleman on Emotional Intelligence, that shot into limelight more than two decades ago, advocated that, people who were well adjusted emotionally were more likely to have better leadership skills, mental health and job performance, and hence, Emotional Intelligence of people was much more important than their IQ for them to have productive and successful lives!

Much akin to Goleman’s book on Emotional Intelligence, Judith Orloff’s popular book on Emotional Freedom, invites the reader to join her on a remarkable journey, a journey that would lead to happiness, peace, calm and inner serenity, and to a place where one can gain mastery over the negativity that pervades daily life.

She then proceeds to define Emotional Freedom as -

the capacity to give and receive more love. Getting there entails building positive emotions as well as facing and releasing negative ones. Instead of spinning out with, say, anger after you’ve been hurt, you'll respond from a centered, more empathic place.

This would then result in a feeling of being happier, more flexible and alive; you’ll also be kinder to yourself, your friends, and family. You’ll have increased patience with coworkers and be able to effectively resolve conflicts.

Judith also recommends an Emotional Freedom test, through which she has observed that, there's often a yin and yang (male/female) factor to emotional freedom.

Here are her results, in her own words - 

Many (but not all) men:

Are more comfortable with the language of logic than of emotion

Are externally less reactive under stress

Aren't as apt to be drained by other people’s negativity

Have an easier time setting limits with others

Are bottom-line and results-oriented when solving problems, less interested in processing emotions to get there

Gravitate toward doing before being

Many (but not all) women:

Have a greater ease with intuition

May trust the heart more instinctively

Experience increased empathy and patience

More readily express emotions

Want to process emotions as a way of solving problems

Gravitate toward being before doing

These huge variations, are, according to Judith Orloff, chiefly because, our culture supports them.

Citing the Buddha, Judith says, “There is no external refuge.”

To be free, then, you must go inside.

A defining moment of emotional freedom is when you begin to become more conscious of who you are and what your motivations are.

It's so spectacular because light penetrates inner crevices and growth commences.

At this stage of emotional evaluation, you may like or dislike what you see about yourself, but the most important thing is seeing it. Where you are now and where you want to be will come together.

You're awakening - that's what counts. It sends a message to all things negative within that their days of usurping your serenity are numbered, that change is imminent.

Still, as you get closer to freedom, note this paradox.

Even if every atom in you wants to be free and you're bone-tired of stale habits of relating, change often engenders resistance.

Change can feel intimidating. You're on the verge of making headway with a major block, yet, weirdly, a stubbornness resists the breakthrough.

How does this manifest? You may temporarily revert to emotional ruts, feel fatigued, feel restless, or be overtaken by inertia. No need to panic. Internally, you're stirring things up, invoking emotional growth, which may take some adjustment.

Try to ease into this shift, breathing your way through it. Be sweet to yourself; this phase will pass.

Keep moving forward as you develop more trust in your new direction. Becoming free involves learning to be carried by a force greater than fear of change, greater than anything.

Then, Judith proceeds to give a wonderful quote from Dostoevsky which goes thus –

The best way to keep a prisoner from escaping is to make sure he never knows he's in prison.

Hence, feelings of freedom begin to percolate in us only when we calm down. To find calm, one must firs realize this distinction: calm is something you must go after, whereas stress comes after you. Feelings of freedom begin to percolate in us when we calm down.

Well, I have a wonderful friend of mine who used to tell me on quite a resigned note, that, daily, on an average, he gets more than 500 messages from at least 25 groups in which he has been subtly roped in, to be a 'proud' member of. This apart, replying to a majority of those private messages consumes a major chunk of his precious time, he used to whine!

I then gave some intense thought to the problem and then realized, to my utter dismay, the seriousness of the situation!

It’s like man’s born free but everywhere in chains, alley!

Now, these ‘chains’, according to Judith Orloff, are of our own choosing! We could always try to wriggle ourselves out of this rut, whenever we wish to, and enjoy the emotional freedom that comes along with this break-free strategy! 

I have yet another lovely friend of mine, who's on a  digital-sabbatical for weeks in a row, just because she badly felt the need to be far far and far away from the digital clutter that's done more of harm than good to her precious and priceless emotional freedom! I'm all admiration for her on that! May her tribe increase!

So where do we begin?

Well, to begin with, Judith Orloff, like our digital detox guru Cal Newport, strongly advocates that,

if I want to add meaning to my life,

I need to subtract the clutter!

(clutter here could mean any of these Whatsapp, or other social networking clutters that bog me down into a miry clay!)

Judith then proceeds to use the metaphor of a ‘journey’ to emphasise on how we can make our bodies, minds and souls as springboards to freedom, instead of being caught in a rut, and wallowing in a bog all day long, 24x7!

She says –

Your soul is on a journey. You're born here as part of that journey. You live a certain number of years with the unique chance of developing your soul as a human being (emotions are catalysts for this). Your body dies. Your soul's growth continues to the next phase.

The great news about this trek is that you have a lot more longevity than you probably thought. In the grander plan, we all belong to no-time and all time.

During your short stay here (I know it can feel like forever sometimes), don't lose sight of how fortunate you are to have a body, with all its tribulations and reasons to cheer, because it helps the spirit grow in many ways. I'd like you to appreciate the specialness of their role as springboards to freedom,

she quips!

Such valuable lessons for life in these digital-intoxication-times, when there’s all the more need for celebrating the most precious need of the hour - emotional freedom!!!

You may also want to read our past posts on –

Digital Minimalism

Know Thyself

images: amazondotcom, dissolvedotcom