Wednesday 6 May 2020

The Perfectionist vs the Optimalist...!

Balachander and Ben-Shahar
Neerkumizhi and Being Happy

‘On what criteria do you choose a film for watching?’ 

Friends quite often ask us this question, ain’t they?

And well, each of us has our own stock-replies to this question! ;-)

Well, for me, personally, I go by friend-recommends! :-)

From friends who double up as film buffs!

In like fashion, I chanced upon legendary film director K. Balachander’s directorial debut movie titled, ‘Neerkumizhi’ (Water bubble), that saw its maiden silver screen release in the year 1965.

Many things about the movie have so intrigued and captivated me! 

That’s because a lot of noble themes run concurrently in the course of this 2 hrs, 09 min and 21 sec movie!

No spoilers though! ;-) 

The movie begins with a famous football player getting injured while playing a crucial decider match, and is then admitted in hospital.

In the seventh ward of this hospital, where he’s admitted, a young and sprightly lady doctor walks up to all her patients and enquires about their health.

Then she comes up to the bed of the injured football player, Arun.

Arun is shown seated on his bed, and he looks quite dejected! 

The doctor then enquires if he’s had a good night’s sleep.

Arun replies with tears in his eyes that he’s not had a good night’s sleep for many days in a row, as he felt cheated at not being able to make it to the International match with the Russian football team due to his sudden injury.

The cheerful doctor then tells him with such positivity brimming in her words,


‘Mr. Arun, this world is like a beautiful book. And the book will not be of any use whatsoever, to a person who doesn’t want to read and understand it!

These words give hope to the footballer and he tells the doctor on a pretty hopeful note,

‘Doctor, if I get to play against the Russian team, I would be so very grateful to you for all of my dear life!’

to which the doctor replies,

‘Yes! you will not only play against Russia, but you are also going to captain the Indian team to Russia’,

she says with such conviction in her tone!

Then she proceeds to show the footballer a terminally ill patient on the adjacent bed, by name Sethu, who, although he knows that he has just a short time left to live,  brims with joy and hope all of the time, and gives cheer, hope and happiness to everyone around him all of the time!

He is aptly named Sethu! And rightfully so!

Sethu’s joyous attitude to his life forms the crux and the rest of the story!

The film also sports such memorable songs that are highly philosophical in its import!

Travelling back in time, and watching such past-blessed movies, that have suchmuch wonderful themes and messages for our everyday life and living, is rejuvenating to the core, and acts an amazing therapy for our souls as well!

And well, that takes us to a discussion on today’s lovely book, written by ‘happiness-specialist’ Professor Tal Ben Shahar, and it’s titled, Being Happy: You Don't Have to Be Perfect to Lead a Richer, Happier Life!


Being Happy gives us readers, such simplistic solutions towards making the most of our everyday life by being happy and making others around us happy all of the time!

I was so reminded of the Shakespearean oft-quoted line,

'Striving to better, oft we mar what's well’,

which could be paraphrased as, ‘Perfect is the enemy of good!’

And that is in essence, the underlying theme of this lovely inspirational book.

The blurb to the book puts it so beautifully –

‘Ben-Shahar shows you how to escape the rat race and begin living a life of serenity, happiness, and fulfillment!’

Ben acknowledges in his Preface to the book, that his studies in the science of positive psychology have helped him formulate his theories in this, his inspirational read!

In his field studies done amongst a variety of people from all walks of life, Ben finds out that, people, across professions and disciplines have always been excited about leading a happier life, but quite unfortunately, they all share a major obstacle to becoming happier – and that’s the aspiration to being perfect!

Says Ben –

People would comment that I myself didn’t seem to be bursting with joy as, they thought, a “happiness expert” ought to be happy at every moment.

And when I would talk about my failures or my fears, they would express surprise that I considered myself happy despite such undesirable experiences.

Underlying both of these reactions is the assumption that truly happy people are somehow immune from feeling sadness, fear, and anxiety or from experiencing failures and setbacks in life.

The pervasiveness of this assumption—across generations, continents, and cultures—made me realize something astounding: I was surrounded by Perfectionists! And they were all, in one way or another, suffering the harmful consequences of perfectionism!

And just one little snippet from the introduction to Ben’s book!

Here goes Ben again  -

My first two years of college had been unhappy.

I always felt that the sword of Damocles was hanging over my head.

What if I missed a crucial word during a lecture?

What if I was caught off guard during a seminar and was unable to answer the professor’s question?

What if I didn’t have a chance to proofread my paper for a third and final time before submitting it?

Any of these situations could lead to an imperfect performance, to failure, and to the end of the possibility of becoming the kind of person and attaining the kind of life that I envisioned for myself.

That day, standing at my professor’s door, one of my great fears materialized.

I failed to get an A.

I rushed back to my room and locked the door behind me.

Nobody likes to fail, but there is a difference between a normal aversion to failure and an intense fear of failure.

Aversion to failure motivates us to take necessary precautions and to work harder to achieve success.

By contrast, intense fear of failure often handicaps us, making us reject failure so vigorously that we cannot take the risks that are necessary for growth.

This fear not only compromises our performance but jeopardizes our overall psychological well-being.

We see intense fear of failure in schoolchildren who do not venture outside the box, who stop experimenting, and who thus diminish their ability to learn and to grow.

We see it in college students who become chronic procrastinators, afraid to begin a project if they are not certain of a perfect outcome.

We see it in the workplace, where innovation is sacrificed on the altar of the tried-and-true, the safe—and the mediocre.

The key difference between the Perfectionist and the Optimalist is that the former essentially rejects reality while the latter accepts it.

The Perfectionist expects her path toward any goal—and, indeed, her entire journey through life—to be direct, smooth, and free of obstacles.

When, inevitably, it isn’t—when, for instance, she fails at a task, or when things don’t quite turn out the way she expected— she is extremely frustrated and has difficulty coping.

While the Perfectionist rejects failure, the Optimalist accepts it as a natural part of life and as an experience that is inextricably linked to success.

In essence, Perfectionists reject everything that deviates from their flawless, faultless ideal vision, and as a result they suffer whenever they do not meet their own unrealistic standards.

Optimalists accept, and make the best of, everything that life has to offer!

These are just snippets and teasers for you to grab a copy for yourselves rightaway!

So yes! remember this –

It’s okay to fail!

It’s okay if you haven’t cleared your NET in your first or second or third or fourth attempt even!

It’s okay to make mistakes!

Be an optimalist! :-) 

as often as could be!

and if possible…

Always! ;-)

And that helps make a phenomenal difference on your attitude towards life! 

And howww! ;-)
image: pinterestdotcom