'You are always loved...!' ❤️

Class Discussions | A Report 💛

Presented by Ganesh Aadhitya S

Well… it's time for the “Love Gurus” of II MA class to unleash their teachings on the ever-puzzling nature of love!

The magic of life lies in who loves whom!

“We are asleep until we fall in Love!” holds Leo Tolstoy in War and Peace. Love has never been out of vogue. From the historic stone inscriptions to the present day stories, it is the secret of love that has been the cosmic emotion that drives our otherwise insignificant lives.

The myriad forms of Love outnumber the stars in the sky. Love is both selfish and selfless; kind and cruel; fickle and forever; heaven and hell. While the great Plato believed that ‘love is a grave mental disease,' Oscar Wilde asks - “Who, being loved, is poor?”

The quirky two-minute silence of II MA class after Preethi posed her question rather perfectly embodies the complexity of the subject matter. It took nearly five minutes for the question to sink in despite it seeming like a simple query on the surface level - “Is it easier to be loved or to love?”

“Both are not easy,” began Bhavya, setting the stage for a stimulating discussion. She is of the opinion that it takes a great deal of effort “to love” and “be loved”. Being her considerate self, she however did not hesitate to add that some might have lost the opportunity to love and “not everyone gets the chance” to be loved, to which Gladson readily agreed.

Abishek encourages people to “love themselves” first before proceeding to love others. He places self-love on the top of the “love chain”, giving a secondary position to every other kind of love. Abishek, in a way, evokes the thoughts shared by the Chinese philosopher Confucius on self-sufficiency in The Analects - “What the ordinary mortal seeks is in others; what the superior person seeks is in himself.”

Adding to the lively discussion, Dr. Rufus emphasised the need to learn the art of self-celebration, for “being uniquely you is the best person you can be”.

One should not hesitate to acknowledge their idiosyncrasies, failing which they will become what Oscar Wilde calls “the other people” in his long letter De Profundis (1905): “Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.”

Immanuel Gifton chooses to side with the “Loving” as it is much simpler to shower our love on people in general, instead of waiting for love to be reciprocated. To love is unexacting and undemanding, feels Gifton.

Elanithi opined that both loving and being loved are equally hard. He emphasised on the sacrificial nature of love and how it leads to a healthy relationship - “When you want to love somebody, compromises should be made.”

Adding to Elanithi's views, Dr. Rufus said, “Kids, always remember that Literature transforms and Theory liberates.” Sir then illustrated his vital point on how “Theory” royally celebrates differences. If X and Y are from different traditions, they can understand each other better by having an open mind that appreciates the cultural differences.

Further, Rufus sir encouraged the students to watch liberating movies such as the 2021 Malayalam hit “The Great Indian kitchen,” that brings out the subtleties of a patriarchal household that promotes Sexism. Sir further pointed out how Gender inequality, still prevalent in our society at large, should be countered vehemently to help women escape the drudgery of “the kitchen”.

Life is all about celebrating our “otherness”. Hence, effecting a compromise to celebrate the other person adds more meaning to our lives.

Adding to sir's point, in a similar vein, I feel compelled to mention Virginia Woolf, who urged the human race to be more humane in a beautiful passage from “Mrs. Dalloway” -

“As we are a doomed race, chained to a sinking ship, as the whole thing is a bad joke, let us, at any rate, do our part; mitigate the suffering of our fellow-prisoners; decorate the dungeon with flowers and air-cushions; be as decent as we possibly can.”

Next in line, Joanson spoke like a truly enlightened Love Guru, when he expertly revealed the ultimate secret of Love to be the “selflessness” that accompanies it.  Commenting on how “the satisfaction of loving” someone is enough for him, he said - “Love will come in many ways and one must be selfless in accepting this. If you love someone, it isn't necessary for the other person to love you. Instead Love will reveal itself through its many faces.”

According to the teachings of Joanson, Life is inconsiderably ephemeral. He says -  “Life gives you something and even before we tend to unravel it, it goes away. To love and to be loved is just like that. The emotion remains for eternity even if the subject leaves. One who understands this, understands Love.”

To further make the class understand his point, He quoted a line from the famous Tamil song 'Ninaithu Ninaithu Paarthen' which appears in “7G Rainbow Colony”:

"எடுத்து படித்து முடிக்கும் முன்னே, எரியும் கடிதம் உனக்கு தந்தேன்"

Unconditional love is Allan Winston's mantra for a trouble-free life. He adds - “To love is simple and easy. One should not expect any possibility of reciprocation of the given affection. That said, Love is always worth the wait.” Love cannot be achieved in a hurry and one waits for it as “the best poets wait for words”. (Nizzim Ezekiel)

Allan's poetic perspective of him being the more “loving one” in a relationship is starkly reminiscent of poet W.H. Auden's affecting lyric “The More Loving One":

“How should we like it were stars to burn

With a passion for us we could not return?

If equal affection cannot be,

Let the more loving one be me.”

Haleem was beyond himself when he expressed his love for German Shepherds. According to him, the endless love offered by the pets are unmatched and their companionship will forever remain faithful.

Dr. Rufus, here, applauded Haleem's “inclusive approach” to Love and further spoke about how “all life” on this planet deserves respect.

In connection to this point, Sir shifted the spotlight on English primatologist Jane Goodall, who studied the behaviour of Chimpanzees in East Africa for 60 years. Her startling discoveries changed the way humans understood the animal kingdom.

The domain of Love never failed to fascinate Ganesh. He came out all guns blazing at the notion of love being bifurcated into “to love” and  “be loved”. With his great experience on this matter, he asserted - “Love is both loving and being loved; otherwise it cannot be called Love. This is not a game of ratios and it is delusional to even think of separating them.”

He emphasised on the idea of “Oneness” required to make any relationship work. In this regard, he underlines the ancient Chinese philosophy of Taoism, which advocates one to commune with nature, by bringing oneself into a state of “oneness” with the Tao (translates to “the way” - the ultimate creative principle of the universe). The founder of Taoism, Lao Tzu, asked people to be like water - flow with life to live in harmony with the world.

Similarly, Ganesh wants this “oneness” in love as well. He then quoted the lines of Chilean Poet Pablo Neruda from “Sonnet VXI”, which vouches for his idea of unity in love -

“... this form in which I am not nor are you,  

so close that your hand upon my chest is mine,  

so close that your eyes close with my dreams.”

He then proceeded to argue that since the comparative degree in the question - Easier - requires at least two things to make a comparison and all we have in Love is a single entity crafted through the “all-encompassing oneness”, the question asked no longer holds water. He said - “My idea of oneness renders this question invalid. That's all your honour! I rest my case.”

Franz Kafka once wrote in a letter to Milena, “And actually it's not at all you I love, but rather the existence you have bestowed on me.” Speaking on similar terms, Manimaran firmly believes that when one is in love, even pain and suffering can give “immense pleasure”.

Maran established his allegiance to the “loving side”, saying it is easier to love and find happiness in “pain”. On top of that, Na. Muthukumar's “Pogadhey Pogadhey” came to his aid to further highlight the point he made:

“கல்லறையில் கூட ஜன்னல் ஒன்று வைத்து உந்தன் முகம் பார்ப்பேனடி”

Pointing to a lizard on the wall, Sir explained how the kutty reptile travels all around the room, getting an all-inclusive perspective of the class. In the same way, even in relationships, it is only fair that we consider the varied viewpoints without reservation and keep an open mind at all times. Concluding, sir skillfully slipped in the idea of “focalisation” by French Literary Theorist Gérard Genette.

“They who love in excess also hate in excess,” notes the legendary Aristotle in his political treatise The Politics. True to these words, Angela, for the first time in the discussion, made the class ponder over the toxicity of love-hate relationships where love “becomes cold through time”.

Furthermore, she elaborated on how the toxic individual in a relationship harms the other person emotionally and psychologically. In that case, it becomes crucial to know “where to stop” and how to deal with situations, never letting it become a “habit”.

As for dealing with unrequited love, Angela calls our attention to a sacrificial kind of lovers - Sacrificers - who do not hesitate to give away their time and effort to only suffer and suffer. They will learn to get on with pain and move forward, feels the sagacious Angela.

The life-changing intensity of love sometimes sweeps the weak-hearted off their track, rendering them lifeless for being unable to handle rejection. It is not for nothing that George Bernard Shaw called Love “the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and transient of passions.”

Speaking on how to deal with rejections in love life, Rufus sir advised the class to never be the “pawn” in a relationship and let someone throw a blanket over another's life.

“A rejection is God's way of protection,” declared sir, encouraging the students to look at the wider picture of life as opposed to one heart-breaking instance. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, one should seek to evolve as a better person by tracking the next growing opportunity.

Also, one should strictly abstain from maligning the name of the former lover by bad-mouthing behind their backs. Instead, adopt the matured approach of respecting their choices and wishing them best in life.

“It changes overtime,” remarks Cathlin on the dynamic nature of any relationship.  She also added that till the reciprocal connection is formed, it is easy to be loved. Once the beautiful connection is established, it is easy to shower our love. Moreover, the mutual reciprocation and attention will healthily sustain the bond of love in the long run.

The Jane Eyre-esque take of Cathy on the joy of being loved takes one back to Thornfield Hall, where Jane is warmly greeted by Mrs. Fairfax, after which she declares - “There is no happiness like that of being loved by your fellow-creatures, and feeling that your presence is an addition to their comfort.”

Weighing in next was Sunyogitha with an equally compelling point - waiting for love is a burden too heavy to carry at times. Separation from love has been the theme of many Literatures.

To add more weight to her argument - I would introduce the Five Hundred Short Poems of the classical Tamil poetic work Ainkurunuru (ஐங்குறுநூறு) into this ongoing conversation. The text consists of five sections, with each section focusing on one of the five Tinais (landscapes) of reciprocal love, a genre first described by Tolkappiyam (தொல்காப்பியம்).

Out of the grand total of 500 poems, 300 of them (Neytal, Palai and Mullai) focus on separation, absence and Patient Waiting!

Here's a sample from Tamil Sangam Poetry - Kuṟunthokai 82 (குறுந்தொகை)

Love's Anxiety

Gently he would stroke

my long and curly hair

and put his arms around me.

'Don't cry,' he would say

as he wiped away my tears

What has become of him now?

In the hillman's mountain fields

where the millet harvest is over

the lush country beans

have started blooming.

Even in this cold winter

he hasn't come home.

(What she said to her friend about her anxiety over the lover's absence)

In the end, is there a better person than Preethi to bring the spirited session to a close?

The prompter of this enigmatic question believes that being loved is less strenuous than the loving kind. And to love, she adds that one needs to look beyond people's shortcomings.

'Love is for the ones brave in heart,' continued Preethi. Only after coming to terms that you are in love, can you go around expressing it.

As the popular saying goes, 'there's no such thing as bad publicity,' Preethi believes that quantity does not matter in love. She endorses her standpoint with a Hindi proverb - 'Badh naam hua tho kya hua, kuch toh naam hua na' (So what if you have got a bad name, at least you have a name!).

Next, the unexpressed love in one's life is brought to the fore. We are “silently loved” by people all the time. You are the world to someone from somewhere in the world, so keep loving, finishes Preethi with her signature smile.

In a fitting finale, we arrive at a conclusion that Love will forever remain fashionable, for it is the ultimate essence of life, as Victor Hugo says - "To love or have loved, that is enough. Demand nothing more. There is no other pearl to be found in the shadowy folds of life. To love is a fulfillment."

Finally, ‘You will always be loved’ is the message the II MA class sends to the world.

You are alwaysss loved!❤️

Teacher’s Remarks: Thank you for this highly engaging presentation dear Ganesh. You've so beautifully brought out the aura and ambience of it all! And well, the way the discussions gathered steam and forged ahead with such gusto in class, based on Preethi’s thought-provoking question, is indeed really really awesome!

Way to go, dear II MA English class!

So proud of you to the moon and back!

Stay vibrant as always!

1. “The Internet Classics Archive: Politics by Aristotle.” The Internet Classics Archive | Politics by Aristotle, http://classics.mit.edu/Aristotle/politics.7.seven.html.

2. Ramakrishnan, S, et al. Katha Vilasam: The Story Within. Routledge, 2022.

3. Robertson, Evan. “Victor Hugo.” Obvious State, Obvious State, 16 Jan. 2021, https://obviousstate.com/blogs/journal/victor-hugo#:~:text=The%20full%20quotation%20from%20Les,the%20shadowy%20folds%20of%20life.

4. Sousa, Ronald De. Love: A Very Short Introduction. Oxford University Press, 2015.

5. Venkatachalapathy, A.R. Love Stands Alone: Selections from Tamil Sangam Poetry. Penguin Books, 2013.