This post is a sequel to our mini series on
the topic, ‘Born to Fly’!
And the initial spur for this
post is a class discussion we had in the I MA Class last week, on Ibsen’s A Doll’s House, pertaining to the theme of
friendship!
There’s this scene where a stranger comes
in, and when Nora finds out that it’s her close friend Mrs. Linde, with whom she has
not been in touch with, for about nine long years, she is so happy and thrilled
now to see her! She is so caring and helpful towards her and makes her feel at
home.
Taking the cue, this blogger, [their teacher!] then narrated to the class
about my own best friend and the impact he’s had in my life!
So yup! In this context, me thought of
doing a post on friendship, and on how to choose good friends for life, good friends who will
be there for you in every way, all the way, and help you get those special
wings of yours!
And this one’s for friends,
and friends alone! For lovers you better gotta consult with those love gurus of
yore! ;-)
Well then, to begin with, a good friendship is mutual! Always mutual! It is not forced or thrust
upon you in any way! It is spontaneous! So spontaneous that you so revel and
excel in the presence and the words of each for the other!
As noted critic Scupin Richard
rightly puts it, ‘It’s agapeic in its appeal and clairvoyant in its charm!’ Yes!
There’s this unalloyed joy that radiates in you, at the very sight of your
friend, when you meet, talk or even sit quietly in front of each other!
So well! how do you choose a friend, a
bosom friend, a friend for life!? ;-)
This little post, from my very
personal point of view, would be a prop and a guideline on that count, I earnestly
hope!
First and foremost, a good friend
is someone who ‘thinks positive, speaks positive and does positive’, in all that
they say and do! Especially with you! ‘Yes you can’, is the vibes they always
sport on them! This is the most important guideline and the fab of the five for choosing a friend! A friend for life!!!
These friends are of the sweetest types who tell you constantly,
again and again that you are born to fly!
You should be quite choosy and very particular
on this count, because, there are some ‘friends’ who always have tons of
negativity on their tongues, and lorry loads of pessimism on their words, and
yet they call you their ‘friends’! Such ‘friends’ can never ever be good and
caring friends for you.
Cut them off your life right away! As soon as possible! They will always have something to whine about, to cry
about and to complain about YOU all of the time! Of such, flee away! Because they
will always find fault with you for even the silliest mistakes that you do! In
short, they can never ever accept you for who you are! And that’s something a
friend never ever does, ain’t it? A friend accepts you for who you are, with
all your faults, shortcomings, on the ‘just as I am’ credo! :-)
Added, you don’t have
969 years to live! ;-)
The second point follows from the first!
A good friend is one who recognizes your strengths, your talents, your
capabilities, your potential and usps and appreciates you for them all! They don't just stop with their appreciation for you, but they also encourage you
with such cheerfulness and joy, to egg on, to press on towards your mark,
towards your goals, towards your destination, by enhancing your motivation
levels sky high in every little way possible!
These lovely friends help you get wings for yourself, and encourage you tons and tons to
this end!
Thirdly, as the good ol’ saying goes, ‘A friend is someone
who walks in, when everyone else walks out of your life’! You find umpteen
instances to this count in literature! Jane Eyre’s is a beautiful case in
point! In fact her whole perspective to life, her attitude to life and her
motivation for life changed for the better-o-better once Helen Burns steps into
her life! And Helen Burns walks in on her, only when everyone else walks out!
The friendship between Hamlet
and Horatio is another case study on friendship! Tom and Huck Finn are another
wonderful friendly pair who are there for each other in their goods and their
bads!
Sancho Panza and Don Quixote
are yet another paradigm for friendship as much as Okonkwo is such amazing
bosom friends with Obierika!
In short, much akin to these
immortal literary friendships, your true friends, your trusted friends, are there
for you, not only in your goods but also in your bads! Not only in your joys,
but also in your sorrows! Not only in your ups and highs, but also in your lows and
downs!
That’s a friend! A good friend!
A bosom friend! And yes! You can count on them to the very end! These friends
help your wings get strong and sturdy! Wings that can help you last through all
your thicks and thins in your ‘flying time’ on earth!
Fourthly, a friend is not ‘an optional extra’
in your life. He/she is an ineludable/inevitable part of you, by default! As
such, if your friend has a host of other priorities, a host of other
commitments and a host of a hundred other friends of equal stature and nature
for joy and company, you should really appreciate them and respect them for
that, and gently give them their space to be themselves with their hundred odd
friends with whom they happily delight themselves in!
But but but… Oh please! don’t count on them
as your sole friend, your only friend! They may have you as an ‘optional extra’
or a ‘pavapetta’ extra and might have even added you up to their junk folder, onto
their huge and boundless friendship kitty! You may count on them as a wonderful
acquaintance, or a friend, but not as a bosom friend or a close friend!
Finally, a friend is someone who is
so thoughtful and mindful of everything connected with you! They always make
you happy with those surprise reminders, those sweet little surprise gifts,
those words of love and encouragement that will uplift you, energise you and
make you feel on cloud nine all of the time! And to this end, they help you fly!
they help you take off! They help you soar higher and higher! And they are so
proud at that! They are what you may call, besties! Besties for life!
Indeed, a friend is someone
who is much more than the impiest sister or the craziest brother!
In short, as Scupin Richard
often says, ‘A friend is someone who finds such joy in helping you see the world through nice-tinted spectacles’. Lovliii, ain't it? ;-)
A pinch of petra to wind up on this
little post!
Friends!!! love one another!
Friends!! sisters and brothers…
Friends are a gift from above
Friends are devoted and true
Then when the goin' gets tough!
They're lovin', Carin'
And prayin' for you!
How trueee!
Well, on this count, let me confess, I was so
enamoured with a book that I was reading quite lately, by Darius Foroux, and it’s
titled, Think Straight: Change your
Thoughts, Change your Life.
In this lovely, little book, Darius
exhorts us to catch hold of a lovely friend and match them up with your own strengths,
values, skills, and desires. Says he,
My ex-girlfriend wanted to travel the
world and live in different countries. I hate that idea. I want to stay close
to my family and best friends. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on something
if I don’t live in other countries. Having a home is what makes me happy. When
you’re in a relationship with someone who has different values, it’s a zero-sum
game. One person always loses something. We broke up’.
He adds to say with conviction,
Today, I know myself better
than I did ten years ago. And in ten years from now, I’ll know myself better
than I do today. Knowing yourself is step one. Step two is acting on that
knowledge. Sometimes opportunities come my way and I feel like saying yes too
quickly. But I have to take a step back. And ask myself: Is this really me?
Very often, the answer is no. I’ve found that most things in life are not for
me. Most friends, jobs, opportunities, countries, people, parties, lifestyles,
books—they’re all not for me. It’s about finding the things that are for me.
Believe it or not, that’s a very small list’.
Lemme repeat Darius yet again, on his lovely
last line,
‘Believe it or not, that’s a very small
list!’
Help, deivamey, our unbelief!
To be continued…
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