Continuing on the
‘unsaid’ from Ibsen’s A
Doll’s House!
Nora: You mustn’t be angry with me. Tell me, is it
really true that you did not love your husband? Why did you marry him?
Mrs Linde: My mother was alive then, and was bedridden
and helpless, and I had to provide for my two younger brothers; so I did not
think I was justified in refusing his offer.
Well, this above little
conversation between Nora and her long-lost friend Mrs Linde highlights the
prejudiced social norms and expectations that stifle agency, and restrict one’s
ability to act independently, especially with regard to the woman!
This restraining
and the constraining of one’s identity because of social norms and expectations
leads not only to a mental crisis but also to a despair of life in general!
As such, any
little deviation from the socially expected norms is then considered to be an aberration in such a constrained-value
system!
Rachel Blau
DuPlessis, an eminent feminist scholar rightly points out that, Most
19th-century female protagonists have two options presented before them when
coming of age: marriage, the socially acceptable option for young women; or
death, the end result for those young women who deviate from socially expected
norms.
These social normatives and cultural codes, which are synonymous with
patriarchal normatives and their ‘dictatorial’ dictates on society, have always
been biased against the silenced and stigmatized, especially as concerns the
woman! As a consequence, these prejudiced norms end up biasing everyone against
the oppressed and the suppressed womenfolk in the general scheme of things.
Well, these ‘marriages
of convenience’, were a common occurrence in Western societies of the 19th
century and hence her observations!
It’s no wonder
then that almost all our films - be it in the south, the north, the east or the
west - have always centred around the predominant theme of love, followed by opposition to love, vanquishing of the villain, and finally, and finallyyyy, boy and girl marryyyyy! ;-) Life
Marriage then is expected to become the end result of a young adult’s life!
Or
Marriage then is scheduled, by default, to become the ultimate destination of a young adult’s life journey!
And these are the
stupidest cultural stereotypes and dictates given by a heavily financed ooops ;-)
heavily biased and predominantly patriarchal set up that has gripped society!
As we
litterateurs would have been familiar with, in our tryst with literatures from
across the world, all tragedies are - by
default - ‘fated’ to end up with the death of the hero or the lead character,
while all comedies are ‘fated’ to end up with the marriage or the nuptial union
;-) of the boy and the girl!
As if marriage
were the ultimate aim and the sole destination of a person’s life!
How stupid a
value system that has been forced on unsuspecting young adults!
How prejudiced a
value system that has been shoved down the minds and hearts of the young and
the old alike!
When a young girl
or boy is at last done with their studies, the next thing these ‘caring’ elders ask them
is,
‘So when is your
marriage?’
‘Aren’t you still
married? Why ba? why?’ ;-)
‘Not married as
yet?’
‘Paavam, Poor
kid, hasn’t got herself/himself a good spouse as yet!!!’
‘How long are you
going to remain a spinster/bachelor?’
These are words
of hurt, or could we call it, poisonous fangs of hurt, that do more harm than
good to the vibrant, lovely, cherubic body, mind and soul of a young boy or a young
girl!
When someone has
the guts and the audacity to ask you this question, please observe a minute’s
silence for their stupidity! For their blinkered/tinkered views to the meaning and
the purpose of life!
Their patriarchally-conditioned
mindset has made them spew such venom on unsuspecting young boys and girls!
Making them a
victim to the ploys and the viles of the biased value system!
These gender gaps
then – the huge gaps in parity between the sexes – has not really narrowed down
over the ages!
In fact, although
Ibsen staged his controversial play, ‘A Doll’s House’ way back in the 19th
century, to vituperative attacks and insults galore, even today society is yet
to wake up from its Rip Van Winklish slumber on this count!
Not much seems to
have been done to bridge the gap! The gender gap!
The World Development Report 2012,
on Gender Equality and Development published by The International Bank for
Reconstruction and Development, gives beautiful guidelines for promoting women’s
agency.
Their studies
across nations and continents the world over, seems to point to a very
distressing scenario on gender parity!
To bridge the
bias, they have outlined and emphasized on the fact that the woman needs to
have agency for herself!
And these
outcomes, or expressions of agency, are -
Control over
resources—measured by women’s ability to earn and control income and to own,
use, and dispose of material assets.
Ability to move
freely—measured by women’s freedom to decide their movements and their ability
to move outside their homes.
Decision making
over family formation—measured by women’s and girls’ ability to decide when and
whom to marry, when and how many children to have, and when to leave a
marriage.
Freedom from
the risk of violence—measured by the prevalence of domestic violence and other
forms of sexual, physical, or emotional violence.
Ability to have
a voice in society and influence policy—measured by participation and representation
in formal politics and engagement in collective action and associations.
In this regard,
they even cite from a few voices! – Here go a few of them!
What I make and what I buy with my own money makes me happy.
Adult Woman,
Vietnam
Now women can decide, there is family planning. Before,
the man used to tell the woman how many children to have.
Adult woman,
Burkina Faso
When you die, your property is distributed by your
relatives, and does not go to your wife or daughter. If you have a son, all
property will belong to the son.
Young woman,
Afghanistan
They [divorced women] come to their parental home after
divorce, but they get no alimony or share of the property from the husband’s
side, nor do they get any share of the parental property. . . . In some cases,
they are forced to remarry an elderly man so that they can earn a living by
working in their master’s or husband’s field.
Adult woman,
India
Women know about laws on discrimination, but they are
violated in real life. They are asked whether they will marry at job interviews
or are fired when they become pregnant.
Woman, Serbia
We don’t know our rights. We don’t know laws very well.
Not beating your wife—is that in the laws?
Woman, Burkina
Faso
A sordid indictment of the value system that has
indoctrinated our minds and hearts over the years!
Let me end with a
real-life incident that I heard from my good friends of late, just over a week
ago! (Their names will always remain anonymous, though!)
A winner-professor
who doubles up as a pious preacher and dances to hallelujah jigs on the pulpit,
;-) is now headhunting for a bride for his son! His precious son you see! His
expensive son you see! His costly son you see! ;-) His MCP son you see! ;-)
And the only
condition that this ‘disastrously’ spiritual professor has given out is that,
one huge hospital with one crore rupees as dowry and an equal amount in gold!
What a piece of
pulpity-piety!
That’s hence
Charles Lamb says,
All good people need not necessarily be religious!
All religious people need not necessarily be good!
I don’t know how
such bigoted minds have the guts to step on to the pulpit and wax labo labo and preach from the Scriptures
and dance to Hallelujah – jigs!
It’s time to
break free of this wretched and biased value system!
Again, it’s time to look
cheap and look down upon such bigoted minds who ask a young girl or a young boy, ‘When
are you going to get married’?
So the next time
when a senior citizen who is so very ‘concerned’ about you and your future, ,
;-) comes up to you and asks you this clichéd stupid question, ‘When are you
going to get married?’
You give them a
dignified retort, ‘When are you going to die?’
That solves the
problem, hands down, ain’t it? ;-)
image: makeamemedotcom