Myself Only Writing This… 😉

Is it ok to say “My Mrs.”? (Vasu, Kakinada)

#newspaperinlearning  

From the Know Your English Column, The Hindu, dt 3rd Nov 2026

And Prof. Upendran’s lovely reply –

In India it is fairly common for a man to refer to his wife as his “Mrs.” 

“My Mrs. is not feeling well,” is a sentence that one hears very often.

Friends often ask, “How is your Mrs.?” or “How is your family?”.

The word “family” is often used to refer to the wife as well. Indians use these expressions in both formal and informal contexts.

A native speaker of English does use the word “Mrs.” to refer to his wife, but he does so usually in informal contexts. He uses the word jocularly; and never in formal contexts. When talking about his wife, a native speaker refers to her as “my wife” or calls her by her name,

he observes.

Well, this rings a bell, especially in the context of a famous poem that we were discussing in our II MA English Class last month. It’s by Nissim Ezekiel and it’s titled, ‘Goodbye Party for Miss. T. S. Pushpa’.

We had a discussion on the topic of linguistic subversion, and the legitimisation of Indian English. (Because up until then, Indian English poetry very often relied on British mimicry).

In fact, Ezekiel’s poem was in a way a validation of the everyday raw realities of office life – or rather a vindication of the rights of Indian English! 😊

On an aside, to be honest, the grammatical subversions in the poem made us have a hearty laugh, but at the same time it also made us ruminate on the importance of grammatical subversions, and celebrate the quirks of native Indian tongues!

For example, the overuse of the present continuous tense in the poem –

“Miss Pushpa is coming,” “She is smiling and smiling”. “Why world is fighting, fighting”, or Literal translations like, “Two three days,” “Just now only,” which could be called examples of structural nativisation or L1-Interference.

Now coming to the main point -

This reminds me of yet another humorous book that was published almost two decades ago, on the subject of Indian English.

It’s titled, Entry from Backside Only, by Binoo K John, and it has all the essentials and the ingredients to make us have a hearty laugh, and to make us think as well!

In fact, the book looks at Indian-English not as a set of mistakes, but as a practical language cooked up by everyday users like roadside astrologers, babus, and quacks. It shows how we took the Queen’s English and fully localised it to suit our own daily logic and regional translations.

Sample a few of these lovely expressions from the book –

Carry out your own bag, put up at a Mother Dairy booth so customers remember to bring their own bags.

Home Late, a tea-stall owner’s completely logical spelling for an omelette.

One minute relax, one-day happy, painted outside a Cuddalore tea shop.

Under standing people will suffer, shouted by a professor at students making a ruckus.

Entry from backside only, a standard Indian sign board that completely misses the joke.

Myself in-charge here, the universal Indian way to introduce oneself.

Hopes Revives, Life Comes Again, printed in a 1921 advertisement for Amritdhara tonic.

Expose all my shocking to man and female women, from Okhil Chandra Sen’s 1909 railway complaint.

My belly is too much swelling with jackfruit, also from Okhilbabu’s legendary letter.

Avoid to use polythene bag - A stern, grammatically twisted warning pasted below a computer print-out at a Mother Dairy vegetable outlet in Delhi.

Meter jump to be paid by the customer - A creative disclaimer by a Srinagar telephone booth operator to cover business risks from his unpredictable digital meter.

Intensified pleasings to partner and happiness in marriage - The bold promise made by street-side sexologists selling ayurvedic tablets for “secret diseases”.

The cipher is set as ‘000’ in the factory and you can remain it: The baffling opening instruction on a tiny pamphlet explaining how to use a number lock.

I wand working women in any privte or govt, but mostly like beauty and honesty natures - An advocate and “businessman of granite” outlining his matrimonial demands.

Steam action will be taken against such driver - An Uttaranchal transport department advisory warning drivers against consuming “any intoxication like alcohol etc” on hill roads.

If escalators are closed or luggage has fallen don get panicky - A helpful railway instruction painted near the New Delhi station escalators.

We will continue to sapply profit to darling customers... and the vendor type people - A spoof in-house ad run by the Economic Times.

Could you please mind me and mend the torn hope? - A desperate plea from a reader who was on a “wild goose-chase” looking for a specific book.

My head is eating circles and circles over all this golmal - A literal translation of a Hindi idiom used by Jug Suraiya in a satirical letter about the Oxford dictionary adding Indian slang.

So… yup!

Next time someone asks you to “please do the needful”, don’t please give them a mouthful, but rather be mindful to appreciate the sheer genius of the way in which they have lifted the ‘Queen’s language, added their own native flavours and spices, and served it to you in such a way that is so perfectly localised to suit our our everyday lived realities.

As Chinua Achebe says –

Let no one be fooled by the fact that we may write in English, for we intend to do unheard of things with it!

“Unheard things,” you see!

And yes, myself only writing this… 😉