Say ‘Oompa-Loompas’
and hey presto Roald Dahl comes to your mind.
This month being
Dahl’s centenary year, let’s have a look at some of his astounding literary
sensibilities. As Adrienne Raphel points out, ‘It is his poetry, as embedded in
his prose, that brings out the quintessence of Dahl’.
How can one
forget Willy Wonka, the ‘bright-eyed’, ‘flutey’ voiced prosperous chocolate
factory owner, or greedy Gloop, or the selfless Charlie Bucket or Prince
Pondicherry, a prince who lives in India, for whom Willy Wonka makes a
chocolate palace right here in India!!! And the list goes on…
Revolting Rhymes is one of the
most delightful yet shortest collections of Roald Dahl’s poems. Taking off from
the familiar tropes, Dahl in his inimitable style, delights in giving these
familiar fables, what Adrienne calls, ‘brutal twists’. In other words, it’s a
parody of traditional folk tales in verse, featuring surprise denouments in place
of the traditional happily-ever-after. This book is quite a fascinating read,
because of the way in which he plays with words. Moreover, it’s not only the most
comical of his books, but also the shortest of the lot!!!
There are a total
of six poems in the book.
Cinderella,
Jack and the
Beanstalk,
Snow White and
the Seven Dwarfs,
Goldilocks and the
Three Bears,
Little Red Riding
Hood and the Wolf,
The Three Little
Pigs
Giving you one of
his poems gleamed from this shortest book of Dahl’s –
CINDERELLA
I guess you think you know this story.
You don’t. The
real one’s much more gory.
The phoney one,
the one you know,
Was cooked up
years and years ago,
And made to sound
all soft and sappy
Just to keep the
children happy.
Mind you, they
got the first bit right,
The Ugly Sisters,
jewels and all,
Departed for the
Palace Ball,
While darling
little Cinderella
Was locked up in
a slimy cellar,
Where rats who
wanted things to eat,
Began to nibble
at her feet.
She bellowed
‘Help!’ and ‘Let me out!’
The Magic Fairy
heard her shout.
Appearing in a
blaze of light,
She said, ‘My
dear, are you all right?’
‘All right?’
cried Cindy. ‘Can’t you see
‘I feel as rotten
as can be!’
She beat her fist
against the wall,
And shouted, ‘Get
me to the Ball!
‘There is a Disco
at the Palace!
‘The rest have
gone and I am jealous!
‘I want a dress!
I want a coach!
‘And earrings and
a diamond brooch!
‘And silver slippers,
two of those!
‘And lovely nylon
panty-hose!
‘Done up like
that I’ll guarantee
‘The handsome
Prince will fall for me!’
The Fairy said,
‘Hang on a tick.’
She gave her wand
a mighty flick
And quickly, in
no time at all,
Cindy was at the
Palace Ball!
It made the Ugly
Sisters wince
To see her
dancing with the Prince.
She held him very
tight and pressed
herself against
his manly chest.
The Prince
himself was turned to pulp,
All he could do
was gasp and gulp.
Then midnight
struck. She shouted, ‘Heck!
‘I’ve got to run
to save my neck!’
The Prince cried,
‘No! Alas! Alack!’
He grabbed her
dress to hold her back.
As Cindy shouted,
‘Let me go!’
The dress was
ripped from head to toe.
She ran out in
her underwear,
And lost one
slipper on the stair.
The Prince was on
it like a dart,
He pressed it to
his pounding heart,
‘The girl this
slipper fits,’ he cried,
‘Tomorrow morn
shall be my bride!
‘I’ll visit every
house in town
‘Until I’ve
tracked the maiden down!’
Then rather
carelessly, I fear,
He placed it on a
crate of beer.
At once, one of
the Ugly Sisters,
(The one whose
face was blotched with blisters)
Sneaked up and
grabbed the dainty shoe,
And quickly
flushed it down the loo.
Then in its place
she calmly put
The slipper from
her own left foot.
Ah-ha, you see,
the plot grows thicker,
And Cindy’s luck
starts looking sicker.
Next day, the
Prince went charging down
To knock on all
the doors in town.
In every house,
the tension grew.
Who was the owner
of the shoe?
The shoe was long
and very wide.
(A normal foot
got lost inside.)
Also it smelled a
wee bit icky.
(The owner’s feet
were hot and sticky.)
Thousands of
eager people came
To try it on, but
all in vain.
Now came the Ugly
Sisters’ go.
One tried it on.
The Prince screamed, ‘No!’
But she screamed,
‘Yes! It fits! Whoopee!
‘So now you’ve
got to marry me!’
The Prince went
white from ear to ear.
He muttered, ‘Let
me out of here.’
‘Oh no you don’t!
You made a vow!
‘There’s no way
you can back out now!’
‘Off with her
head!’ The Prince roared back.
They chopped it
off with one big whack.
This pleased the
Prince. He smiled and said,
‘She’s prettier
without her head.’
Then up came
Sister Number Two,
Who yelled, ‘Now
I will try the shoe!’
‘Try this
instead!’ the Prince yelled back.
He swung his
trusty sword and smack -
Her head went
crashing to the ground.
It bounced a bit
and rolled around.
In the kitchen,
peeling spuds,
Cinderella heard
the thuds
Of bouncing heads
upon the floor,
And poked her own
head round the door.
‘What’s all the
racket?’ Cindy cried.
‘Mind your own
bizz,’ the Prince replied.
Poor Cindy’s
heart was torn to shreds.
My Prince! she
thought. He chops off heads!
How could I marry
anyone
Who does that
sort of thing for fun?
The Prince cried,
‘Who’s this dirty slut?
‘Off with her
nut! Off with her nut!’
Just then, all in
a blaze of light,
The Magic Fairy
hove in sight,
Her Magic Wand
went swoosh and swish!
‘Cindy!’ she
cried, ‘come make a wish!
‘Wish anything
and have no doubt
‘That I will make
it come about!’
Cindy answered,
‘Oh kind Fairy,
‘This time I
shall be more wary.
‘No more Princes,
no more money.
‘I have had my
taste of honey.
‘I’m wishing for
a decent man.
‘They’re hard to
find. D’you think you can?’
Within a minute,
Cinderella
Was married to a
lovely feller,
A simple
jam-maker by trade,
Who sold good
home-made marmalade.
Their house was
filled with smiles and laughter
And they were
happy ever after.
*END*
Image courtesy
dailybeast.com
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